


Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dennis

by orphan_account



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Brother-Sister Relationships, Brother/Sister Incest, Codependency, Eating Disorders, F/M, High School, Implied/Referenced Incest, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 04:17:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9367610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: All he ever does he does for the good of all, if only Dee could see that.Or "The Gang Goes to Saint Joe's High"





	1. Dennis and Maureen 4Eva

**Author's Note:**

> After watching "Mac Fights Gay Marriage" I became obsessed with writing a fic about probably the only time Dennis has had a serious relationship, and maybe why he remembers things differently than everyone else does. 
> 
> More chapters coming.

Dennis and Maureen were inseparable (except when they were seprable. They had broken up 2 1/2 times.) They waited for each other out side of class, they bought each other's lunches when one of them was late and found a secluded spot for the two of them in the corner of the cafeteria, and they had sex. Lots of sex. Whenever they could, really. It felt good. For once, it felt like something.

Maureen spoiled him, and Dennis relished in it. He bathed in her love. He thrived while having someone take care of him- someone to care for in return. Their relationship was tumultuous, passionate, young, truly a romance for the ages! Dennis Reynolds and Maureen Ponderosa: Soulmates.

That's why when Maureen said she needed a ride home that day since her parents were out of town and were unable to pick her up, Dennis had no problem ditching his loser sister who would only hold him up with her dumb thespian club.

 

Dee sat at the dinner table solemnly kicking around a meatball with her fork. Dennis, who was already on seconds, wondered about her momentarily, knowing their mother wouldn't give a shit if the problem was eating too little.

"Are you gonna eat that meatball?" Dennis asked. Dee took the meatball with her fork and flung it at Dennis, staining the top of his baby blue pinstriped shirt. "What the fuck! You bitch!" Dennis shouted, outraged.

"Deandra! What is the matter now?" Their mother shouted, already dripping with agitation over her daughter's sudden outburst.

"What's wrong with me?" She directed towards their mother before turning back to Dennis. "We are supposed to be sharing that car, shithead."

"Language, Deandra!" Barbara said.

"You just left without telling me. I had to walk home because those jerks from theater wouldn't give me a ride."

"Come on, really? You're fucking throwing a tantrum over having to walk home?"

"Why did you ditch your sister?" Frank interjected. It amused Dennis when he tried to care.

"Not only that, I called out Nikki Potnick earlier today for cutting me in the milk line, and she targeted me with her friends on my way home. They tripped me with a stick and threw rocks at me chanting 'WE CAN'T LET THE MACHINES WIN.'"

Dennis laughed at that.

"Dennis!" Frank exclaimed.

"How did you call this girl out exactly? Did you make a scene? Honestly Deandra, I try to be sympathetic, but when this kind of thing keeps happening we have to look for the root of the problem."

Dee's eyes welled up with tears. Dennis stopped laughing. She shoved away from the table and ran upstairs to her room, back brace creaking with every step that moved further away until the chandelier shook as her bedroom door slammed angerly shut.

"So dramatic." His mother shrugged and went back to her meal. Frank was working away on Dee's plate already, the whole ordeal already forgotten.

Dennis simply slumped back in his chair, annoyed at how his stain had been completely forgotten given Dee's silly problems. He was always having to share the attention with his stupid, highly emotional, and so-awful-she-always-gets-bullied twin. There was hardly ever time for his concerns.

"Nikki Potnick really is a bitch, though." Dennis looked up. Did he choose to say that last part out loud? Sometimes his actions surprised even him, mostly the ones that benefitted others.

His mother fixed him with an icy stare- warning him not to tip the balance of the way she had made things. Any moment, he could disappoint her and he would no longer be the golden child. Dennis looked back down at his plate, choosing to save himself a lost battle.

 

Dennis excused himself and went upstairs to his and Dee's shared bathroom. That third plate of spaghetti got him where he wanted to be. He noticed Dee had already been there and felt a twinge of annoyance. She had skipped breakfast and had left the lunchroom today after the Nikki Potnick incident. He was also a little jealous she could eat nothing and still puke her guts out. Dennis was always having to make himself sick.

He snuck back into the kitchen and filled a plate with pasta, little sauce, no meatball, and went up to Dee's room. He gave a short double knock before opening the door. Dee sat on the floor against the bed, scissors in hand. Magazines, cutouts, construction paper, stickers, and glue sticks surrounded her on the carpet. She was really such a sad pathetic sight when she went into her "dream" mode.

"Well this isn't going to make you feel better, Deandra." She didn't acknowledge him. "I mean this is just sad. Your aspirations are impossible." Still no response. "Well... for you." Dee stopped and scrunched her shoulders to her ears. Dennis wondered for a split second if she would throw those scissors. Instead, she rolled her neck and relaxed her shoulders, as if rolling off his insult.

"What do you want, Dennis?" She asked apathetically.

"To make sure you don't die."

"Why do you care?" Dennis paused.

"Because I know I'd get the blame." He said, sauntering over and carelessly dropping the plate next to her. He got back to the door quickly, unsure how Dee would respond. "You're welcome!" He said, hating being ignored. "Seriously, Dee, eat something. You look disgusting. The back brace is already embarrassing enough as it is. People know you're my sister, goddamnit. Think about someone besides yourself for a change."

With one fluid motion, Dee grabbed a handful of spaghetti and hurled it towards Dennis' face. Dennis sensed the attack, and slammed the door just in time. He heard her get up quickly and lock the door.

"Fine you stupid bitch! Die for all I care!" He shouted, slapping her door. Frank called his name from downstairs again, but nothing else came of it. Dennis marched back into his room, slamming the door even louder than Dee had earlier.

"Stop slamming your Goddamn door Deandra!" He heard his mother call. Even when he was trying to make a scene, Dee got all the credit.

Dennis collapsed onto his bed and and grabbed the phone on the nightstand. He unbuckled his jeans and waited for Maureen to pick up.

 

"Dennis, did you just call me to complain about your family again?" Maureen asked, 4 minutes into the conversation.

"Ugh, well I thought I could come to you with this stuff."

"Yes, of course you can baby! But we agreed that after dinner there would be a special phone call. And you talk about Dee and your friends all the time. I get it, she's a bitch, your friends are stupid, but... like... do we ever talk about my terrible brother?"

"Your brother is awesome. What are you talking about?"

"Ugh, do you even listen to me?"

"Of course. Of course I do Maureen. I'm sorry, I just get caught up in this shit. She knows exactly how to push my buttons. I'm sorry." Dennis tried to relax. "I'm sorry. This is a special phone call. Is your shirt off?"

"Yes it is."

"Alright, now run your hand over the ridge of your bra."

 

Dennis would do this for her, since he promised. He still needed her to be satisfied. He knew it was a give and take. Hopefully this would make her forget him flying off the handle again over his bitchy sister. He was in the clear as long as he didn't let her know that he had already finished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't posted any fics in months because my computer has been fried and I haven't gotten around to buying a new one. 
> 
> Then DeeDennis happened to me after watching Sunny a few times all the way through. I figured it was already a ship and I WASN'T crazy for noticing all those moments (even while first watching season 1.) 
> 
> So I said screw it and typed everything Golden Geese on my phone. I keep finding mistakes I missed on them, so please excuse some of the mess while I get in a cleaning crew.


	2. I'm good. I'm up.

Dee shuffled along with only about a half a mile left. She was supposed to meet her brother and his dim witted minions under the bleachers after school. That's where Ronnie the Rat did most of his dealings while Charlie entertained the popular kids like a fool before royalty. After receiving a couple hits from some new kid's spliff, Dee was informed that Dennis had already left with Maureen.

This was, of course, bullshit, seeing as how both him and Maureen had detention today for getting caught making out in the janitor's closet again. Maureen's parents were also out of town and the car was still parked in the parking lot when she'd left. 

Thus the chain of events landed her walking home, yet again. Three textbooks weighed upon her right arm, while her left dragged along her old Hello Kitty rolling backpack. (Had Dennis said he wanted a new backpack with wheels on it, he would have it, no problem. Yet a grown woman with a handicap that requires her a rolling backpack is told to "not be wasteful." She is then reminded of how expensive her condition has been and how it has burdened her parents. But that's fine. Dee's fine with this.)

It was then, amidst her thoughts, she saw their car drive past and stop begrudgingly at a sign a few feet ahead. She could see Dennis and Maureen in the side view mirror.

Maureen's teeth were to her brother's neck like some hideous, messy vampire. Dee's face burned beneath her skin with anger. Dennis was giving her a chilling stare that sent a shiver down her spine. She glared at him right back, knowing how well they mirrored each other's  expression. 

If anyone had the right to be throwing around dirty looks, it was Dee. She didn't owe him anything. In fact, that was the whole point in not accepting his peace offering plate of spaghetti. Dennis was only nice when he wanted something. 

Finally his face was out of hers and she could breathe again. Her arm was beginning to cramp. She tried shifting her books to her other arm without stopping, not noticing the gash in the sidewalk that sent Dee and her books flying forward into the pavement. 

Dee felt the sudden urge to cry, and not for the pain. Blood rushed to mix with the dirt on her palms and her knees were bruised. Her back and ribs ached from where her brace had hit the sidewalk. She heard footsteps running up behind her and decided to bite back the tears. 

"Are you okay?" The new guy exclaimed, already collecting her things. Dee hadn't noticed how pretty he was earlier. She had grown accustomed to never looking a popular person in the eye while they looked down on her. She'd never give them the satisfaction of her concern. 

"Yes! Yes. I'm good. IIIII'm up." She said, already flustered. She felt her face swell up like a red balloon. Stupid clumsy dork. 

"You took quite a fall there, you sure you're okay? You need any help?" Dee looked around suspiciously, checking for any juvenile peers with egg cartons. 

"Yea, I'm good, really. I'm used to it." She gave a shy little smirk and started on her way again.

"You're Dee, right?" 

"Who wants to know?" 

"Um, Brad." He said with a charming smile. "We shared a jay a little while ago?"

"Yes, of course I remember."

"Well, I'm new, and I'm having trouble meeting people."

"Yeah, that happens." She said, smiling. She tried to think of some witty thing to say about how shitty everyone was, but her mind was a blank slate. "People aren't too friendly at first. Or at second." He laughed without a note of pity in his voice. Dee felt her heart loose gravity. 

"Hey, you're friends with Mac and Charlie, right?"

Dee had no idea how to respond to this. On the one hand, they never called each other friend. On the other hand, Dee had no close friends other than Fatty McGoo, who was really more of a disciple than a friend. She spent much more time with her brother and those two losers than anyone else. Then again, she wasnt sure how admitting being friends with those two dweebs would affect her social standing. But if those two had been the first people to be nice to Brad, being friends with them might help her chances. Oh shit, she realized. She had been staring at him blankly without blinking for some time now.

"Yes! No! Well... they're friends with my brother, really."

"Whose your brother?" Uh oh. Shit Dee. 

"Uh... Dennis Reynolds?"

"Oh! The Golden God! I know him! He's in my PE class."

"Oh god, does he actually call himself that in public?"

"Mostly when he's serving a ball, or batting, or pretty much any time he has to do anything, whether it's good or..." he hesitated, "...not so good." Dee laughed.

"You can just say he sucks. He sucks most of the time, right?"

"I'm not saying! You're his sister. I don't know how you'll use that information. You seem like you can be pretty ruthless" Dee smirked, only slightly nauseated now. Just don't gag, you're doing fine. 

"You just told me everything I already know." He beamed at her for a moment. 

"So, is he your twin?"

"Who?"

"Dennis?"

"Oh, yes, Dennis. He's- I'm twins with him." Brad chuckled. 

"What's that like?" Another tough question. Dee didn't want to come off as bitter. 

"Ask me again another day." She forced herself to smile, but knew it was coming off as slightly disgusted. 

"Yeah, you seem to be having a tough one. I noticed you were a bit riled up. It's why I shared with you." 

"Yeah, sorry about that. It's been a rough couple of- well, years really. Especially with this ugly thing." She said, knocking on the top ring of her brace. 

"Well, hey, if you want, I have some more herbal refreshments back at my house. Might help you feel better. You free?"

"Yes! I'm fr- I'm- I've nowhere to be." He  helped her carry her books. 

 

 

Dee came home sometime after nine. She was a little tipsy, a little high, still very nauseous since she didn't eat anything since breakfast, but over all walking on air. She missed dinner, but likely nobody would care (or have even noticed.) 

Before she could reach the front door, however, Dennis had thrown it open. His eyes were wide and hard. He stepped out and slammed the door behind him. 

"Where have you been Dee?" Dee smiled and shrugged.

"Who wants to know?" 

"Don't do this with me right now, Deandra. Don't you do it. I've had a very long hard day and I have been worried sick." 

"Oh you were worried?" Dee laughed. 

"Are you high?"

"Alll-legedly." 

"And you're drunk. Great. That's just great Dee. Did you eat?" He said, ducking to meet her eyes with the last question. 

"I'm not drunk- I only had three."

"Three?!"

"Oh, get off it Dennis. You and I put away more than that all the time."

"Yes, when I know where you are."

"Are you gonna let me through the door?" 

"Not until you tell me where you've been, young lady."

"Young LADY? Are you fucking kidding me right now Dennis?"

"Where were you?"

"YOU ditched ME."

"I drove you to school, didn't I?"

"You tried to ditch me this morning too!" 

"Okay, fine, you got me back then. Fine Deandra."

"How did I get you back?" 

"You're not even listening to me!"

"Okay, yes, I'm listening. I just don't understand. Why were you so freaked out about me not showing up?" Dennis huffed.

"Because I SAW you walking home. When you weren't there when I returned from Maureen's, I figured you were out with Mom. Then when she came home and said she hadn't seen you, I grew concerned. You're vulnerable in that hideous brace. Everyone knows how easily you're taken down. And if I'm not gonna worry about you, who is Deandra?"

That one struck her hard. Harder than the usual roulette of insults he normally shot at her. He was the best she had? No. That wasn't right. She had Brad now (pretty much.) 

"I met a friend." Dennis furrowed his eyebrows in obvious confusion.

"How?"

"You know Dennis, not everyone sees me the way you do. Some people think I'm worthy of a bit of kindness."

"Are you calling me unkind?" Dee looked him in the eye and burst into laughter. "Hey! Stop that!"

"Are you really serious?"

"I'm plenty kind to you! I'm the one making sure you don't starve to death! I'm the one waiting up for you when you don't return home!"

"Dennis, will you just please let me in?" Dennis sighed, dissatisfied, and opened the door for her. 

 

He followed her up the staircase, walking only a step behind. They said nothing. Dee reached for her door and Dennis reached for her arm. His cold hands and tight grasp sent a jolt through her veins. She looked at him at once, unsure what he was doing. He simply turned her arm around and examined her palm. 

"Hurt yourself?"

"I fell."

"Clumsy." Dee smiled weakly and turned away again. Dennis pulled her back.

"Dee, why are you shutting me out?" His voice was pleading, which was always music to her ears. Still... 

"Dennis, why are you being weird?" He stared at her with frustration before finally releasing her arm. 


	3. Pretty-Faced Monster

He owned this school. He could do what he wanted with the multitude of pawns in his game. 

 

But she wasn't a pawn. She never had been. Not that he would ever let her in on that little secret. That one he kept close to his chest. 

 

The alarm bell sounded and all the little minions swarmed the hollow halls. Dennis was waiting for Maureen by her locker. They had fought and she had talked about breaking up with him again yesterday. He wasn't quite sure if they were actually together at this point. There was something about possessiveness... especially when he was angry... or some bullshit like that. He had a right to her, after all. It was a give and take. All Dennis ever did was give. 

Then Dee had to be a big fat bitch and not be home to translate Maureen's words for him. That was fine at first, but then she stayed away, as if to punish him.

After she finally returned home from God knows where reeking of weed and booze, she wouldn't even tell him where she'd been. She must have known that would drive him crazy. Why wouldn't she say? Was she bullied again? She was- happy coming home? 

Dennis shook the thought before it came front and center. Dee couldn't have a boyfriend she'd actually feel giddy about. I mean, look at her. She's a monster. A monster with a pretty face. 

But in the back of his mind, he knew. He knew because he knew her. He knew how her mind worked. He knew because his worked in a similar fashion. There was really only one reason she'd want to keep something secret. 

He then saw her across the hall. The silver Martian like creature unmistakable in the ugly yellow fluorecent light. How could anyone find that attractive, really? 

She was walking his way but smiling past him. The new guy (Brandon? Bryce?) met her halfway and gave her an awkward side hug. Dee blushed.

Gotcha. 

Dennis immediately made his way through the bustling hallway over to where they stood.

"Dennis?" Maureen asked, coming up behind him. He didn't hear her. "Dennis!" She called again.

"Hey Sis." Dennis said casually while wrapping his arm around his twin's shoulder. He felt her body stiffen. "Who's this guy?" Dennis asked, underhandedly pointing at him. 

"Uh, I'm Brad." He said, looking over to Dee then back at Dennis before extending a hand. Dennis didn't move. He kept looking him in the eye and smirked before slowly extending his hand. "I'm in your PE class."

"Right... right... yes of course." Dennis said smugly. "Well-uh- ready to go Sweet Dee?"

"Sweet Dee?"

"Oh yeah, that's just a little nickname we call her. You know, her family, her close friends."

"Good to know" Brad said with an obnoxious smile. "Sweet Dee." He said, tilting his head to her. 

"Yeah, uh, actually Dennis, I think I'm gonna go hang out with Brad today." She said, facing him while moving away from under his arm.

"Are you sure Dee? I mean, I know you haven't been feeling well lately."

"No. I'm fine. I'm feeling fine Dennis." She said, agitation growing in her voice as she burned her eyes into him. 

"Yeah, so, we're gonna go. Nice meeting you Dennis." Brad said after an awkward pause. They started walking away. Brad's arm came up around his sister's bony little shoulder. 

"Hey! Hey Brad! Do you wanna meet me under the bleachers right now? I bet I can get you a good deal."

 

Dennis huddled with his friends under the bleachers, temporarily ignoring the crowd of druggies forming. 

"Who commissioned this impromptu meeting?" Mac asked, attempting as always, to take charge. 

"I did." 

"Are you aware then, Dennis, that I have an entire operation to run?"

"Yeah, man, and people are gonna start missing me over there." Charlie annoyingly interjected.

"Shut up, jackasses, and listen to me. You see that guy standing over there next to Dee?"

"Who? Brad?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah we know him. New kid. Already one of my best customers. Nice guy."

"This guy is bad news. We need to take care of him." 

"Brad?" Charlie looked surprised. And dumb, but he always looked pretty dumb. "Naw man, Brad's cool."

"Yeah, he always pays full price."

"About that- Mac, I'm gonna need for you to cut him a deal today."

"Whoa whoa whoa, wait, you want to take care of this guy," Mac said, using finger quotations, "and yet you want me to cut him a deal?" 

"I had to get him under here."

"Why? He shows up almost every other day." 

"Because he was leaving and I had something to say to him, and Dee was being a bitch and dragging him away."

"Um, okay? I'm still not following."

"That isn't important to me. Look, just follow my lead. We have to convince him to hang out with us." 

"Wait, are we taking him down or are we just giving him weed all day and chilling? I- I- just really don't understand the plan here."

"Mac, I told you, I don't care! Will you please just shut up and do what I say?"

"Dennis! Don't yell at me right now! It affects my street cred."

"Yeah man, we can't have you always bossing us around in front of our new friends."

"Brad is NOT our new friend, Charlie! None of these guys are your friends!"

"Okay, okay man, just stop yelling at me!"

"Yeah, stop yelling dude, come on! You know I've been sensitive since coach said I was too skinny to fight this season! That's bullshit dude! I can kick any of their asses!" Mac said, his rage reaching its peak. 

"Alright, alright, calm down man, I know. I know this year's been rough on you. It's been rough on us all." Dennis said. Putting a hand on his shoulder and massaging into his neck. He held Mac's gaze with his reassuring one. Alright. Now he's in check. 

"It hasn't been rough for you. You've had a girlfriend." Charlie interrupted. 

"Yeah dude, we barely see you anymore." Mac said, his eyes now like a puppy dog.

"Things are gonna change soon enough guys. I promise. First, let's fix my problem, then Mac, we'll work on your weight- or we'll T.P. the lockeroom, whichever comes first, and then Charlie..." Dennis sighed.

"What?" 

"Where to begin?" Mac said. 

"Just so many problems." 

"We'd have to re-raise him."

"That's too much work."

"This is already too many problems!"

"Yes, yes, one problem at a time. First Brad." 

"Okay, yea, fine dude, but we have to wrap this up asap. If too many kids crowd down here, someone's gonna notice."

"Okay then, break." The boys faced the angry crowd and opened for business. 

"Okay then, who's first?" Mac said, scanning the crowd. "Ah, Brad, I believe you were first." The boys sauntered over to them while the crowd grew restless with complaints. 

"Uh, I don't think I was."

"Hey dude, you wanna deal or not?" Mac asked.

"We just wanted to see if you wanted to maybe come chill with us today." Charlie said. 

"He's hanging out with me, bozos. Get your own new kid." Dee snapped. Glaring at all of them.

"Whoa there Dee. Why don't we ask what  Brad wants?" Mac said, trying to sound cordial. 

"Well, I am gonna hang out with Dee at my place today. You guys are welcome to come." Dee looked disappointed. Dennis beamed with delight. 

"We'd be honored, Brad." Dennis said with an evil grin. 

 


	4. Japanese Seaweed Aloe Vera

* * *

Oh. He would pay. He would pay for this. Whatever he's up to.

Dee's evil voice kept swimming with thoughts of killing her horrible twin. Stabbing. Strangling. Surprise him with a bat. 

Dee knew Dennis' only objective in her life was to ruin everything. She didn't trust him alone anywhere in Brad's house, so she found herself waiting outside the bathroom door for him. Maybe she wouldn't be such a crazy person if she had eaten Dennis in the womb. Hindsight is always 20/20. 

She heard him rummaging around in there, and finally decided to try the handle. It wasn't locked. Dennis was putting on face cream when she swung the door open.

"What the hell are you doing, you freak?"

"Dee! This stuff is amazing! It's this Japanese-seaweed-aloe vera creme. Mom gets it. She started keeping it in her purse because someone accused you of stealing it." 

Dee rolled her eyes. Of course. And he just expects her to be his Sweet Sweet Dee all the fucking time. 

"Hey guys, what's keeping ya?" Brad asked, catching Dennis red-handed. Shit. Shit. Shit. Dennis ruins everything! 

Dee was trying her best to keep her cool, but she knew too much about Dennis. She recognized these patterns in her life, she wasn't a complete dunce! And here she was, so close to having a handsome, charming, boyfriend for once in her damn life, and Dennis was already wrecking it. She wanted to scream, but gagged instead.

"Uh, sorry Brad. I probably should just..."

"Aw, no, it's cool man. I got plenty more. That's good stuff, isn't it? I can't live without it."

"Oh really? And why is that Brad?" Dennis asked. His phony friendliness made her physically ill. 

"I used to have sort of an acne problem in middle school. It's mostly cleared up now." 

"Oh." Dennis said. Dee eyed him suspiciously. "Well thank goodness it's all cleared up now, huh Brad? I mean acne is such an uncomfortable, noticeable, disgusting condition. Was it bad?" 

"Uh, yeah. It was pretty bad." Brad said awkwardly. Dee nudged Dennis in the side. "Anyway, uh, you guys wanna drink? I have brandy, red wine, champagne..."

"Oh ha-ho! Fancy man!" Dennis interrupted moronically. 

"I'll have a brandy." Dee said quickly.

"Make that two." Brad nodded and headed back into the den where Mac and Charlie were probably already making a shit storm. Dee took a deep breath and turned back to Dennis. 

"Dennis." She began evenly "What the fuck!" Dee's voice raised an octave for that last part.

"You didn't tell me anything. I had to investigate for myself." Dennis said casually while washing his hands.

"Why do you care so much?" Dennis turned to her while drying his hands and eyed her intensely. 

"I was suspicious. This man gets my sister drunk in the middle of the day when I haven't even approved of him?" He threw the hand towel onto the ground.

"I don't need your approval Dennis!" Dee said, picking up the towel. "You're being weird again." 

"I'm not being weird! Stop saying that!" 

"Let's just go. Don't touch anything else."

"Don't tell me what to do."

"Don't tell ME what to do!"

They continued bickering nonsensically down the hallway and back to the den. Charlie was playing the xylophone in the corner of the room something dark and sinister, a bottle of scotch at his side. Mac was trying to teach Brad how to get someone into a chokehold unsuccessfully. Really, it could have been a lot worse. 

"There you guys are!" Brad said with relief as he broke away from Mac. "Here are your drinks." He handed them brandy in the proper glass with a cocktail napkin.  He winked at Dee and she blushed. She wondered if Dennis noticed. 

"Oh hey!" Mac started excitedly "We were just talking about having a party here Saturday night. Brad here can meet some new people!"

"Yeah, my parents are totally chill. They're constantly traveling anyway." 

Dennis looked annoyed and stared down his two friends. Clearly, something didn't go according to plan. Dee smiled to herself. Though the thought of a party made her apprehensive as well. She was no good at parties where she knew everyone. She and Dennis hardly ever attended any together anymore. A party might also make Brad popular. She shouldn't worry though. Brad liked her. He really liked her. Didn't he? He hadn't made a move yet, but he was constantly flirting with her.

"Dee?" Brad said. She snapped out of it. 

"Yes?"

"You think it's a good idea?" All eyes were on her. 

"Yeah!" She said after a brief pause, a little too high in pitch. "Yeah, yeah. Sounds great! Party on!" Dee said, awkwardly lifting her fists.

"Alright then lets party ON!" Charlie shouted, lifting his sticks in the air. 

 

Dennis was unusually silent on the car ride home. It made Dee feel uneasy. He seemed angry at everyone, but she didn't know why. 

"How's Maureen?" Dennis' face contorted into their shared "oh shit" face. He was just falling apart at the seems. Now it was Dee that was beginning to worry. 

"Um." He cleared his throat. "Good." He seemed unsure. They drove the rest of the way in silence. 

 

When she she reached her bedroom, Dee set down her things and kicked off her shoes. She then took off her jacket and sweater before noticing Dennis watching her in her doorway. 

"He's just using you, you know."

"I don't care. And how exactly? If he is using me for anything, there's a good chance I'm using him for the same thing.."

"Are you a virgin?"

"That's none of your business."

"That's a yes then. Okay, so, there you have it! He could tell you were a virgin, I mean it's obvious, really. It's like a conquest for guys, popping cherries. Plus, it feels amazing."

"Okay, first of all, you're a perv. Second of all, if that's the case, then I guess this cherry's gon' get-"

"Then he'll LEAVE you." Dee paused. 

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do. Come on Deandra, you can't really be this goddamn delusional. Why would a good looking, rich, cool guy like Brad be interested in YOU. I mean look at yourself!" 

"I think you're just jealous." This made Dennis truly angry. 

"What the FUCK are YOU talking about?"

"You're jealous that I have this hot new guy that's rich and cool and all those things you JUST said, and you're stuck with Maureen." 

"Let me get this strait- you think Brad is a better catch than Maureen?"

"Uh... yeah!" 

"At least Maureen isn't using me! Mark my words, sis, this is all gonna blow up in your face. Whether this is about drugs or connections or sex- it isn't about YOU. He isn't into you. Best case scenario- he feels sorry for you, probably because he was once an ugly loser like you. And if you don't listen to me now, I'm not going to be there for you when this shit hits the fan like I always am."

"Look Dennis, you can't threaten me by saying you'll leave me alone. In fact, I'd rather have you make that a promise. And I'm actually happy when I'm around him. Purely happy. Do you even care how rare that is for me? And I'm not gonna tell him to hit the bricks just 'cause my lunatic brother thinks that no one could ever love me." With that, she pushed him out of the way and slammed the door. A moment later, Dennis slammed his door in response.

"DEANDRA!" Their mother called from downstairs. 


	5. Satisfied

Dennis sat in the corner of the room groping his girlfriend while the party swarmed in front of them. Mac was busy dealing left and right while the cool kids messed with Charlie, handing him product after product to see if he'd really inhale anything. Dee was nowhere to be found. 

They had planned and executed this all without him, which made Dennis furious at first. He wondered if they were becoming too independent in his absence. At least Mac would get mad cash for this project, which he would then be required to share with his business partners.

Everyone showed up for an unsupervised event. It was the party of the year. If it wasn't for the situation in which the party was formed, he might actually have enjoyed himself.

He should've been glad his theory was proving to be true. Brad was the man of the hour. Everyone seemed to like him for some stupid reason Dennis could not fathom. And Dee had not been seen with Brad the entire evening. 

When they had arrived, Brad welcomed them like he had welcomed every other guest, and payed Dee no special attention (which she was clearly expecting.) Dee had avoided Dennis' satisfied smirk as he passed in front of her, arm around Maureen. 

As the evening wore on, Dee gained confidence by the glass. He was keeping his "promise" and "leaving her alone." Over the week he had been sneaking granola bars and pieces of fruit into her backpack. He was satisfied when they were gone the next day. But it was Saturday, and he had not seen her eat.

 

Dennis spotted Brad making out with some freshman across the room. He should've felt satisfied.

Instead, he pushed Maureen off him. She plopped against the other side of the love seat. She was drunk, anyway, and would hardly notice. Two girls who had been hovering over their spots promptly squished together to fill the space. 

"Hey Brad!" He said with forced enthusiasm. Brad turned to him. "Have you seen my sister?" Brad seemed annoyed with him, but was too phony to not be polite. 

"Uh- yeah! She wasn't feeling well so I told her she could lay on my bed." I'll bet you did, Dennis thought. He should've felt satisfied. 

 

When Dennis entered the room, Dee was passed out, head lolled back, mouth hung open and drooling, sitting against the bed with her back brace still on. Dumb thing probably couldn't get it off. He stared at her pitiful form for a while.

"Dee." He said. "Sweet Dee?" No response. "Dee! Deandra! Wake up! It's time to go." Still nothing. He crouched down in front of her and grasped her cheeks with one hand. "Dee!" He said, shaking her side to side. Her head simply toppled over. Dennis sighed. He was too drunk to carry her, plus that would just be embarrassing for everyone. He was probably too drunk to drive (only by definition of law) anyway. 

So instead, he took off her sneakers. Then carefully, he set to work on her brace. She was a lifeless doll, all elbows and limbs. After all that was taken care of, he ever so gently laid her broken body onto the bed.

Dennis stepped back and looked at her. She was a date rape waiting to happen. It's like she wanted her first time to be this way. He wondered if he should just do it. Get it over with for both their sakes. Or maybe he just wanted to prove a point. He wasn't sure, he had never let this thought travel so far in his sober mind. 

His drunk mind was a different story. In reality, his sober self was constantly oppressing the thoughts and feelings from nights before.

 

It started in middle school, before the brace, when Dee started to develop. He would overhear Mac and Charlie speak his thoughts out loud. That was no good, of course. He had to rectify the situation. Not for the sake of Dee, but for Mac and Charlie. He was their sheperd. They were lost without him. He had to make sure neither of them ever touched his sister.

They had made fun of her for being ugly before, but there was no longer any filter to their insults. They all knew she was a bitch, anyway. Later on, the back brace would make it easier (and so much more fun.) 

Then came the party.  It was Dee's first one with alcohol. As a cruel joke, he had gotten stuck with her for seven minutes in hell. He knew it was his sister standing there waiting for him in the dark, but he kissed her anyway and feigned confused outrage afterwards. They stood in silence for the other six minutes, awkwardly trapped in a linen closet hardly fit for one person. After that, Dennis knew he had to distance himself from his accident of a twin to protect his own image. 

 

But no one was around now. Not even Dee. 

 

Dennis crawled on top of the bed and hovered over his sister. He wasn't yet sure what he was about to do. His actions were taking over what his drunken thoughts had started as his sober reasoning screamed at him, demanding to be heard. He shut that part off and kissed her softly on the lips. Perhaps he was more inebriated than he thought. He wasn't sure why he did that, curiosity maybe. It was all in the name of curiosity. 

One of his hands traveled up her dress to her upper thigh and felt the warmth of her soft skin. His skin. His thumb slid along the ridge of her underwear where her leg met her pelvis. Dee made a soft, non-descript sound. Dennis stopped. He felt like he was going to be sick. 

He knew then he could do no more. Not this way. Not with Dee. Or rather, not without Dee. 

His common sense suddenly kicked in the door to find the mess he'd made. He was so disgusted with himself that he couldn't even look at her as he got up and maneuvered her onto her side. 

"Brad?" He heard Dee slur. Panicking, he quickly left the room and shut the door behind him. 

 

Mac was looking for him in the hallway. Dennis told him he didn't have time for him right now and asked him to keep guard over the room. No one was to go in, not even Brad (especially not Brad.)

Dennis ran into the bathroom, cutting everyone in line and pushing some chick out of the way as soon as she walked out, and locked himself in before any drunk imbecile could stop him. 

After all the tears and vomit, Dennis hovered over the sink. He splashed ice cold water on his face and looked himself in his bloodshot eyes. He had to get himself together. He was the Golden God, after all. Dee was still just his stupid sister. He was supposed to be limitless. He could have done it, but he didn't. She honestly should be thanking him. Everything would be normal again soon, and Dee would have no memory of any of this. Hopefully, neither would he. But first, there was still something that had to be taken care of. 

He reorganized, refocused and decided to go along with the original plan. Perhaps that would satisfy him. He took a few travel sized bottles out of his pockets and pulled out all of Brad's skin products.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dennis is a bastard man.


	6. Despite the Situation

This was some bullshit. Here Dee was, experiencing her first multi-day hangover, and being forced to run ten laps around the track with her PE class- on a Monday! She didn't remember ever feeling so horrible in her life, not even when Dennis pushed her out of a moving car when they were nine (they were only going 6mph, as Dennis often points out, but still!)

It wasn't just the spins and the nausea, it was everything. Brad was sitting with the cool kids on the bottom left side of the bleachers, Dennis and Maureen were making out in the upper right hand corner, and she assumed Mac and Charlie were responsible for the people she saw sneaking out from underneath. Did everyone have free period this hour? 

The party was a bust for her, like she should have expected. School parties always ended in disaster for Sweet Dee. At least her and Brad were finally together, although he did ask her to keep it a secret until they got serious. That didn't stop her from bragging to Dennis about how Brad had kissed her and felt her up at the party while they were on their way to school that morning. Dennis, for once in his miserable existence, had no response.

The details were very foggy for her, but it most certainly happened. She refused to tell Dennis how, though. She already knew what he would say.

 

After she and Brad had agreed to keep their relationship on the down-low, she went to drinking herself into oblivion, all of Dennis' words coming back to haunt her. She remembered Charlie telling her he had spiked the punch with Everclear, and downing hers anyway. Her spotty memory roughly remembered Brad guiding her to his room and watching her collapse against the bed.

She woke up feeling her sense of security being shaken before realizing it was her back brace being taken from her. She tried to move, open her eyes, say something, anything- but her body was limp and her consciousness and short term memory were cutting in and out. 

Then she was on the bed and he was on top of her. She wanted to tell him to wait, but could barely get her eyes open. And when she could manage a sliver, her vision was a mess.

Then he kissed her. He definitely kissed her. Despite the situation, it was the sweetest, most tender kiss she had ever received.

Brad was the fourth boy she had kissed. The first, annoyingly had to be Dennis, because he ruins everything. He didn't know it was her. She knew it was him as soon as he walked into the closet, but did nothing to stop him. His kiss was rough and forceful where Brad's had been soft, gentle... dare she say, even loving. 

Brad's hand was up her jean skirt, and she tried her absolute best to speak again. She wanted to tell him not like this, managing to utter something at least. Whatever it was, the next thing she knew he was turning her onto her side. She finally managed to sound out his name, but he was already leaving. 

 

She didn't remember getting home. Dennis must have drove her. She didn't see him on Sunday while she was bedridden. She had assumed he was as well until she learned from the maid (Juanita? Consuela? Something Mexican. Their mother was always firing them) that he had been out of the house since 6am. 

His behavior was becoming more and more abnormal these days, even for a nut job like him. He was staying away from her well enough. His silent treatment had lasted since that horrifying cherry-popping conversation. Dennis had never gone this long without speaking to her in their life. Yet for some reason, he kept trying to feed her. He probably thought he was being sneaky, but Dee just gave all the food to Charlie. Or she'd throw it away if, say, she didn't want to explain to that goddamn tard what a mango was if he was just going to assume it was poisonous. Either way, she owed Dennis nothing. 

There was something about the silence, however, that began to mess with her head. Although he was the scum of the earth and she hated him with every fiber of her being, she missed him. She legitimately missed him. When she wasn't with Brad, there was nothing to do with her days. No ridiculous skeem to get money or popularity or back at someone. She had no one to pass judgement on others and feel superior with, she only had people to judge. And Brad. She had Brad, but they hadn't spoken since the party. 

And it was stupid. It was just so retarded. Dennis hadn't spoken to her, in what, five days maybe? That wasn't so terrible. He was still her twin. He couldn't keep doing it forever. So why did it hurt? Maybe because he had called her bluff? She wasn't going to cave, why should she? Because she missed him? Stop being a retard, Dee. Dennis definitely is not worth it. 

Why did he have to suck Maureen's face here, anyway? Was it because of what she said about Brad? Brad.

She looked over to him in all of his popular glory. He was the perfect man. He had a zit or two maybe, but that was probably just from all the alcohol and pizza. He payed her no attention while he was with Adriano and those guys.

Dee suddenly felt dizzy. Her legs slowed and everything went black.

She opened her eyes moments later to see the landscape had turned on its side. Uh oh. Dee down.

The cool kids were laughing and pointing, all except Brad, who looked genuinely concerned. Dennis was running down the bleachers. Back to black.  


	7. The Pitiful Ones

He waited outside the nurse's office for his twin sister. Their parents had both refused to let her go to the hospital and to pick her up, so Dennis was asked to stay while the student counselor spoke to Dee.

"Dennis?"

"Maureen? What are you doing here?"

"I've been with you this entire time Dennis! I helped you bring Dee in?" Dennis sort of remembered, although he had supported most of Dee's weight himself. She was conscious at that point, and was probably just making things difficult for him. He nodded nevertheless "What I was just saying was that I'm late for my next class. I'll see you later." Dennis nodded, already lost in his thoughts again. "Or... not." She said, turning on her heal and strutting away. She'd get over this one, at least. 

They were taking forever, Dennis thought. Dee was most likely being as elusive as the dark side of the moon. She was very good at that. Never pleading guilty of anything. That was his Dee. 

He saw Brad's ugly face round the corner. The anger spiked within him again. 

"What are you doing here?" Dennis asked coldly. He had no reason to be cordial to this fool anymore, especially when Dee wasn't around. 

"Just making sure Dee is okay."

"She's fine. Thanks for stopping by." 

"I think I'll wait and ask her myself, if that's cool." It most certainly was not cool, but Dennis wasn't about to make any sort of scene for his sister to walk in on. 

"Suit yourself." He said, shrugging. 

They stood in awkward silence, leaning against the wall on both sides of the door. Dennis was pleased by the acne that had started to appear on Brad's face. Say what he wanted about Charlie, the kid really did know his chemicals. 

"Is Dee okay?" Cricket was suddenly running up and asking, his legs clamming down hard with every painful step he took. Such a sad exsistence. Dennis blamed him for Dee's false sense of confidence.

"Get lost Cricket." Dennis said, rolling his eyes. 

"I just wanted to see Dee, make sure..."

"I SAID GET LOST." Dennis said, making a fist and holding it up. Cricket hesitated, so Dennis jolted his arm. Cricket flinched, then stampeded away.

"Tell Sweet Dee I'm praying for her!" Cricket shouted from halfway down the hall. What a loser. 

"Wow. Geez." Brad said, watching Cricket leave.

"Oh yeah? What's it to you?" Dennis retorted. Brad tried to come up with a response, but thought better of it. Dee stepped out of the nurse's office and into the hall. 

"Dennis, they want you to take me home. You have a pass for the rest of the day." Dee said, looking down. 

"I can take you, Dee." Brad said. 

"But you'd have to skip class-"

"I don't mind." Brad said with a smile. Dennis' heart sank deep within his chest. Dee looked to Brad then towards her brother. 

"No, it's alright Brad. They're expecting Dennis to take me. Don't want you getting into any trouble."

"Really, it isn't any trouble at all. Plus, Dennis gets it. I'll bet he's already planning out what he's going to do with his free day." Brad said, not unkindly. If it had been any other day, Brad would be right. But today was a day Dennis had been worried about for a while.

"It's cool Brad, really. I got her." Dennis responded evenly. 

"Alright, if you guys are sure." He said, finally conceding. Dennis was relieved, even a bit satisfied. It melted away when Dee leaned over and kissed Brad fully on the lips. Brad smiled, slightly bewildered but not opposed to her. He really did like Dee, go figure. Not enough to be seen with her, obviously, but he liked her. This changed things slightly for Dennis. One variable was now slightly more difficult to control than he originally thought. 

They exited the school into the pale sunlight of Philadelphia. It was around 10 am, so they really did have the whole day. Charlie and Mac ran up to them from the side of the building. 

"Dee! Dee. Are you okay?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah, we heard that a cripple had toppled over and it was hilarious." Mac said.

"Yeah, it sounded really funny."

"Then we found out it was the Aluminum Monster."

"Yeah, then we came right over!"

"Well, we had to finish the mid-morning rush, but then we came right over!"

"Right! Oh, hey Dee, before you leave, do you have any snacks?" Dennis looked over to Dee, who was digging in her backpack.

"Here you go, Charlie." She said, handing him the granola bar and banana Dennis had packed for her. Dennis stared at the scene with disbelief.

"What the hell are you doing?" Dennis directed at no one specifically. 

"What is this thing?" Charlie asked, ignoring Dennis. Oh, he could wring his neck for this. 

"Don't tell me you don't know what a banana is, Charlie." Her's too. 

"You're giving Charlie your food?" Dennis asked.

"I've seen one before, even heard of it. I never made the connection- is it poisonous?" 

"Oh for Christ's sake." Dennis said, snatching the food out of Charlie's hands and putting it in his book bag. "Let's go Dee." He huffed, leaving his friends in their confusion. He was too upset to hear what they were calling after him. Dee trailed closely behind to the car.

 

"Why would you give Charlie all your food?" Dennis asked after they had pulled into the driveway. It had been a long, awkward ride home. Dennis figured there was no better time to finally break the silence. It was already bad enough, and at least Dee would have to respond, given how good he was getting at ignoring her exsistence. She was probably desperate for his attention. 

But to his surprise, she got out of the car calmly, shut the door, and went inside.

Dennis slammed his head against the steering wheel, honking the horn as he did so. 

"Fuck you, Dee!" He said to himself as he fiddled with his seatbelt. He got out of the car, slamming the door behind him. 

When he entered, the house was empty, save for Dee who was still creaking up the stairs slowly, trying not to drop her many books and other things. Dennis watched her struggle, only deciding to head upstairs after she'd gotten into her room and shut the door. 

She ignored his knock, so he went in. Dee was fidgeting nervously with her backbrace, clearly aware his eyes were on her. 

"Dee, if you don't start eating, they're gonna send you away." Dennis said with the utmost sincerity. "You know our parents. The last thing they want to do is deal with our problems." Dee dropped her hands to her sides and shrugged. 

"So what?"

"So what? Do you WANT to get sent away?"

"It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I hate school."

"I hate our school too, but what about your room? This house? Your family? Your friends?" Dennis paused, not wanting to say it, but... "Your boyfriend?" 

"I hate this house. I hate Mom and Dad. My only "friends" are your friends, and I hate them. And I hate you!" Dennis took a step back. 

"You really hate me then?"

"Yes, Dennis, I really hate you." 

"Why?" Dennis said, realizing she was dead serious. 

"I don't know Dennis, probably because you've treated me like shit all my life? You're only nice when you want something."

"Yes, I want something. I want you to stay." Dennis said truthfully. 

"Why Dennis? So you can humiliate me on a day-to-day basis? So you can make me feel like we're friends only to yank it away over and over again? Why wouldn't I hate you?"

"Because we ARE friends. Because I take care of you. Or I try to, anyway. You're just so goddamn stubborn!"

"Oh, I'm stubborn? Says the man who wouldn't speak to me for a week just because he doesn't like my boyfriend."

"Oh, so he IS your boyfriend then. I was confused about that when I saw his tongue down some freshman's throat." Dee paused, her eyes shaking. 

"You're making that up."

"At the party. I have witnesses."

"Well, that was obviously before he and I got together!" 

"Oh yea? Then why did he just leave you like that, uncomfortably pushed up against his bed?"

"What are you talking about? He came in, like, a few minutes later and took care of me."

"Oh HE took care of you. Ah yes, he took off your backbrace and put you on the bed. HE turned you on your side to make sure you didn't choke and die. Right, I forgot." His frustration overrid his common sense yet again. After everything he's done for her, she still remained such an ungrateful bitch. Dee gave him a puzzled look.

"Yes." She said firmly. 

"Then why do you want to get away from him so badly?"

"I don't!"

"Then why doesn't HE make sure you eat something? Huh? You're constantly waltzing in smelling like brandy like it's nobody's business- but does he ever feed you?" He said, moving in close to her. She didn't respond and avoided his eyes. "Or better yet, why are you guys never together in public? I've been waiting to hear that excuse." Dee shook her head and bit her lip. 

"We're taking things slow. We didn't want people to know until things got serious."

"Oh, Deandra, that is... so sad." Dennis said, chuckling at her pitifulness. He expected her to fight back. Insult Maureen in a worse way, or something. Instead, her eyes grew heavy with tears.

"I know." She said, burying her face in her hands and crying softly. 

"Dee. Stop. Come on. Stop it."

"He doesn't want to be seen with me!" She cried, sobbing harder.

"Deandra stop that now! It's very annoying to me."

"I'm sorry. I can't help it. My life is so awful." This had obviously gone out of his control. Dennis grabbed her wrists with both hands and looked her in the eye. She sniffed, her eyes wide. "What?" She asked. Dennis sighed.

"You need to eat." He said, letting go of her. "You'll be less emotional." He pulled out the banana and granola bar from his bag and handed it to her. She took it willingly. 

"You're welcome." He said as he began to fiddle with her backbrace. 

"What are you doing?"

"You need to lie down."

"I don't NEED to do anything." 

"Dee, will you stop being so goddamn stubborn and let me help you!" 

"No!" She said, flinging the food across the room and trying to push him off. He fought back, twisting one of her arms around her back while still prying at the buckles. With her other hand she tried pushing his face away, even pressing her thumb into his eye. "I don't- want- your- HELP!"

"Fuck Dee!" He said, suddenly throwing her onto the bed and straddling her. With one hand he pinned her wrists to her chest, while the other finished unfastening the straps on one side. 

"Ouch!" She shouted as he roughly yanked the brace over her head. He let it clatter to the floor loudly. Dee collapsed backwards.

Dennis, already hard from all the commotion, looked over her for any damage. She wore a fitted tank top under her jacket in which he could see her ribs rising and falling, protruding out of her slim body. Fear and terror clouded her teary blue eyes. Dennis got off quickly before the memory could find her. 

"Now just lie there." He said, knowing he didn't need to. He had exuded all of his energy, no doubt she had as well. And since she wasn't eating he knew she wouldn't get a second wind. "So goddamn stubborn." He muttered, shaking his head. Dee stared at the ceiling without blinking. "I didn't want to have to do that-"

"It was you, wasn't it?" Dennis felt his heart stop beating for a split second.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"It was you." She was sure. Never admit guilt Dennis. 

"What was me?"

"You know." Dennis thought for a moment. He had been doing so well pretending it didn't happen. She had no proof. He could still make this go away.

"You're talking nonesense Deandra. Night-night time." He said, retaining his composure. He shut her curtains, switched off the light, and left her room. 

 

Dennis would later say she was exaggerating. He would say she asked for his help- she wanted that brace off anyway, for fuck's sake! If the party came up again, he would say she dreamed it, that it had been Brad after all, and call her crazy and sick if she continued with the accusation. And the game of chess would continue with all his little pawns being exactly where they were supposed to be.

But Dee wasn't a pawn, she never had been. He had to at least admit it to himself if he was ever going to get her back under his control.  

 


End file.
